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hernia

Weekly Weigh In – 16th Dec

I totally forgot to post my results last Friday.
I lost the 1lb that I’d put on the previous week but I’ve gained 2lb this week. I was expecting it because I’ve noticed my portion sizes creeping up and I’ve not been very strict about my chocolate intake.

The plan of action is to track all food eaten for the next week to get me back on track. I know that by doing this I’ll be focused again and ready to get the weight moving in the right direction.
I also want to have a really good week because I plan on taking Christmas Day off. I don’t plan on gorging but I want to have a guilt free day and I can only do that if I have a good loss next Friday.

I’m disappointed obviously but I’m not letting it get me down. I’m still totally committed to losing this weight and I have to get it into my head that gains will occasionally happen. I just have to deal with them and move on 🙂

5th weigh in

For the full story about my weight loss journey, please read….Okay, so it’s not a tumor.
Another week, another 2lb loss 🙂
This brings my total loss to 13lb. Next week, I’ll have lost my first stone 🙂

I’m still going strong, my willpower is holding out and I’m not snacking between meals.
I’m missing my snacks in the evening if I’m honest but the other day I had a scare which helped keep me on track the rest of the week.
I suddenly got a pain in the area where I can feel the hernia and had to go lie down on the bed. It was really scary and I thought I was going to end up having to call an ambulance and enduring an emergency operation.

The pain did eventually go and for the next few days I took it easy. To be honest, I was scared to move much in case it started hurting again but I’ve been fine all week.

I’ve got a Tesco delivery coming today and for tonight’s treat I’m having some Walkers Sensations crisps, some dip and some ice cream.
It’s funny how much I’m looking forward to having a snack tonight while watching tv with Ant!

Dear So & So – The looking on the bright side edition!

Dear Hernia,
didn’t like hearing about you but wanted to thank you for helping me get my ass in gear and get back to dieting. Can’t give up this time because it’s too important so thank you again. Oh, and thanks for not being a tumor. Been a bit worried about that all week if I’m honest.
Yours, the relieved one.

Dear Plantar Fasciitis,
I’d never heard of you until my doctor uttered your name on Thursday. You’re a painful little bugger and from what I’ve read on the Internet, you take a heck of a long time to go away.
It’s hard to find a bright side when you make me hobble like an old woman every morning but I suppose if I had to find the silver lining, it would be that I need to rest my foot regularly so I’ll be able to get more of my shows watched! (for the sake of this ‘looking on the bright side edition’ we’re ignoring the fact that I need to exercise to lose weight. I have been on my feet all day and only resting it for a few minutes at a time but I’m paying the price now. It’s very painful at the moment but we’re ‘looking on the bright side’ so I’ll smile!)
Yours, the one in pain but trying to ignore it.

Dear Ant,
thank you for ordering TiVo :):):) I’m super excited and can’t wait till it’s fitted! I love you for always doing things to make me happy, as well as other reasons, before you ask if that’s the only reason I love you! 🙂 xx
Yours…forever xxx

Dear Butlins,
we’re really looking forward to visiting you for the week when the kids break up for half term. It’s our first ever visit…..I do hope you don’t disappoint.
Yours, the excited one 🙂

Okay, so it’s not a tumor…

that’s a relief!

For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s the back story….

A few weeks ago (maybe even a couple of months if I’m honest….I’ve been in denial for a while and no, I’m not really a poet!) I was taking a shower, as you do and I noticed that one side of my stomach was bigger and harder than the other side. I didn’t think much of it, preferring to forget all about it and hoping that it would go away.

A few weeks later and it hadn’t gone away. I had a prod and a poke every time I had a shower and every time I thought to myself, I should just mention this to Ant and see what he reckons but by the time I’d finished my shower, I’d put it to the back of my mind again.
However, the back of the mind can be a bit annoying. it doesn’t always keep things locked away there and I started to think that maybe it could be a tumor of some sort and the longer I deny it’s existence, the worse it could be getting so I finally decided to mention it to Ant last week.

He was sensible and told me to make a doctors appointment, so I did.

My doctor diagnosed a hernia and immediately I thought, ‘phew, it’s not a tumor; hernia’s aren’t so bad are they?’ he quickly changed my mind on that when he said “your weight and the fact that you’ve had blood clots on your lungs in the past means you’re too high risk for surgery. This means that you have to live with the hernia until you lose enough weight to be considered safe enough to operate on. Now, losing the weight might mean that it repairs itself and you won’t need surgery, which is what we’ll hope for. However, the hernia can get trapped at any time and if this happens, it will start to get painful. This can kill you. If you get any pain, see a doctor straight away”.

He’s a really lovely doctor and I could see he felt awful telling me I had to lose weight. He said, “I know doctors blame weight on everything and you’re always being told to lose weight but this time, if we want to keep you alive, you have to lose the weight, there’s no other option because I know they’re not going to operate on you at this weight”.

So I’m now on a new diet and fitness regime.
I’ve been determined to lose the weight before but I’ve failed a lot of times. However, I’ve never felt like my life was in danger before, like I did when I got the blood clots on my lungs and was told I needed to stop smoking. I didn’t have another cig from that day and I’m now in the same frame of mind about my weight.

I’m usually too shy to post full length pictures of myself online and always choose ones that I feel hide how big I actually am (they probably don’t but you know….denial is my friend) but I’ve decided that I need to face up to how I really look and I got Aiden to take these photos of me today.

 

I weighed myself today. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and I’m ashamed I’ve let it get so bad. I’ve only ever been totally honest with Ant about how much I actually weigh but today I’m putting it out there because I’m determined to lose this weight and it will be really good for me to write about my journey and perhaps share it with others who are struggling with their weight.

So here it is….my weight, on day one of ‘Operation Hernia Be-Gone!’ is 29 stone and 7lb *going red faced with shame*. It’s very hard to hear it out loud but there we go, it’s done and next week, when I do my first update, it won’t be as high and I can start to feel better with each pound I lose 🙂
I’m going to post a new picture each week with my weight loss result. It will help me visualise the changes and hopefully keep me motivated.

I’m going to use Sparkpeople to help me keep track of the calories and fat I eat. I’ve used it in the past and there are some great tools on there to help you get fitter.

I really will appreciate any support I get so please feel free to leave a comment.
Thanks for reading and wish me luck! 🙂